this week . a reflection

I picked up two extra shifts last week. So I worked every day but tuesday (and sunday) and a double on friday. oh joy.

and then I saw this backpack that I wanted. and it costs three shifts... which means one more extra shift and I could pay for it. buy it. that beauty could be mine.

not that I don't have the money if I didn't work those shifts. Since getting my job a month ago I have bought exactly maybe two things... four, actually. two bagels and two drinks. the same day. oh wait, no. I also bought three donuts a week after I started. and a shakespeare fan head (it's cool but it's creepy but it's cool) and a pair of jeans. I forgot those. those were a good purchase...

and absolutely nothing else comes to mind.

nothing.

(oh wait. I forgot something else: two chocolate bars. what is my life coming to)

so I could actually buy a lot of backpacks because I have no bills. only tax (which I will get back at the end of the year anyway) and I tithe (10%).

So I actually am pretty loaded if you look at percentages. I make 90% (including tax that will come back to me) of all my paychecks.

and spent? mmm, less than 5%. probably. idk, those jeans jacked it up to maybe 7%.

I don't know why I'm taking about this.

I actually wanted to write a reflection post on what putting away my camera for the majority of august has taught me.

It always makes me laugh a little when those super-online people (like people who have a platform on every social medium possible and then some and it's like how do you find time to live and learn to talk about living and learning huh???) are like "here's what I learned from this non-event blah blah blah" but then I realized I actually did learn quite a bit from this time around of camera break. so maybe I should stop laughing.

you might have to read that again for it to make sense. pro tip: you can leave out the stuff in the parenthesis to make it easier to read.

So. I put away my camera. Unintentionally. I didn't have any plans to I just kinda only got it out two or three times. I didn't see anything outstanding that I wanted to take a picture of.

I took one of the car in the garage (okay like five actually. overshooter, much?) all packed and ready to go for my mom + older sister's drive up to Michigan. and then my sister took some of our pancake lunch (same day. mom was gone so why not?) and then I pulled out all of my school books from last year (minus about five that I forgot about) and put them all on my bed to take a picture of them. and then I was reading and playing music and it was lovely outside my mom was grilling so it smelled like summer was ending and it looked and felt and tasted and sounded and all the feels like summer was ending so I wanted to take a picture... okay, the light was just really nice.

and then our rotten computer was all having trouble turning on (thanks computer) and I never did upload pictures to amazon prime like I was supposed to (??) so I was kicking myself. and as I thought about it I started wondering how many had like, people in them. like just those every day things. like, someone standing by our 15 ft tall christmas tree? missed that one. nice apple picking pictures? nope. family picture? in. your. dreams.

but seriously does anyone care about my artsy-fartsy picture of the romantic christmas tree branch? ha. maybe not even me.

I feel this is something that I go round and round in circles with myself on. like I don't know how many times it's gonna take me to realize I don't have enough people in my pictures.

let's be honest here... I've totally said this before... I'm scared of people. I hate taking pictures of people. not only is there the worry of "what will they think?" but also "how do I keep them looking genuine/good" and I never do so then it's all "how can I hide this from them and the rest of the world forever?"

I think, though, the less I've shot, the more open I am to pulling it out. I genuinely miss taking pictures. and it's almost like I have a bucket of confidence (that definitely does not start out full) and every time I pull out my camera I dip into it. and then at some point it refills or something idk my analogy breaks down there... but if I pull it out more intentionally and less just for the sake of holding it in my hands... If I think before I put the view finder to my eye... I get better pictures and I'm more happy. and people are more happy. so I'm more happy. so people are more happy. so the world is happy (well I guess not completely since this election is still coming up.)

So. I'm committing today... when I see an opportunity, take it. but only if it's a good opportunity.

and since I haven't held my camera for like a week my confidence is pretty high. Which is a really good thing because we have a family coming to visit us for this week (arriving some time around soon) and I want to grab lots of memories in this last week of summer before formal education starts.

are you with me?

go.