Friday, October 14, 2016

autumn leaves are falling down

the leaves of one tree, just outside my window, started to change color. Which seemed like quite an occasion to me. I worry every year that all the leaves will fall before they change color (or die before they get a chance.) and every year this one tree gives me a little hope and reminds me it's gonna be okay. even if they don't change color.

and that got me wondering about the changes in my life since those leaves turned last year.

There are little pieces of me, little clues, I left here and there - emails, schoolwork, my art journal, playlists, ticket stubs, receipts, and of course, blog posts, right here.

there are quite a few similarities. this time last year... we had gone apple picking, had (at least one) bonfire, school was in full swing (and I was loving it,) we were sad about the red sox losing (not as sad as this year... *pause for loooong moment), and my grandparents were coming to visit.

years have so much in common. (thank goodness.)

Yet there are so many ways we've changed and grown and things we're doing differently. for one, the red sox had made it a whole heck of a ton further... and hopefully we'll see a cy young and an MVP award. but that's another story for another day (that will never get told here... but feel free to check out mlb for details. ;P)

last year...

I had just quit my first job. and I was wondering how I was going to afford my extravagant spending habits. the answer? kill them.

this year...

I just started a new job. and I'm wondering how I can balance it with my workload of school.

last year I was feeling bummed because I now had too much time on my hands and wished I didn't have to quit my job. the answer? my schoolwork could use the time. and so could my editing. and my relationships. and my life.

this year I feel bummed because I worry I've devoting to much energy (and time) to my work and not enough to my family and the people who matter to me.

last year I was thinking I had a great body so who even cares about working out. the answer? drop the arrogance like a bomb.

this year I kicked some butt and started working out. (and I can tell you: I do not have "a great body" but it's seen me this far, so I'd say it's fearfully and wonderfully made! ;))

last year I was feeling hopeful about friendships and excited about possibilities. the answer? don't loose sight of the goal.

this year I feel like my life is very monotonous. I feel lonely and lost. I feel discouraged about life and frustrated with my inability to connect with people.

last year I was sad to see my fifteenth year go. It had been my absolute favorite year. the answer? it was the best. that was all.

this year I'm seeing how fifteen was my best year partly because of my innocence. this year I'm growing so much, but not in those new, fresh, everything is wonderful, life gets better every day ways like I was when I was when I was fifteen.

last year I was growing.

this year I'm maturing.

last year I was looking forward to possibilities.

this year I feel like I need to make a move. (that driving test isn't going to take itself.)

so life is full of new stuff, too. new days and new life...


last year I had a savior who loved me and cared for me. This year, too, I have a wonderful God who I can trust in, who I can serve and love and praise for His blessings and the rich life he's given me.